


The Unwound Future

by knightenchanted



Series: Trespasser and Beyond [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Children, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Parenthood, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition, Post-Trespasser DLC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 06:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6363388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightenchanted/pseuds/knightenchanted
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Evelyn and Cullen have never known more peace after settling in to South Reach with Cullen's family, but an old demon returns to haunt Evelyn's dreams, bringing her to question her desires for family and children.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Unwound Future

Evelyn sat amongst the spindles of overgrown grass in peaceful solitude as the warm sunlight kissed her skin. From her vantage point, she watched as a mabari of grey and white coat chased two children through an open field. The girl was no older than seven, hair of spun gold and warm eyes like honey, and her laughter exuded with energy. A smaller boy trailed behind her with his much shorter legs, a mess of unruly dark brown curls and grey eyes twinkled bright like polished steel.

Though Evelyn longed to join them, she was careful not to immerse herself too deeply in the illusion. As vivid as the children felt, the moment her left arm felt the sun-soaked earth beneath her, whole of flesh and absent of the green flash of the Mark, she knew this was nothing but a dream. Lost items often returned to her in her dreams, and she never forgot what was taken from her.

The children ran into the nearby woods and Evelyn followed paces away, cautious to always remain out of their line of sight. The trees eventually parted into a clearing, and though she caught up to the children, she stood agape at the other figure she saw with them.

Solas stood facing a mirror, not unlike the Eluvian she had last seen him walk through. His hands were clasped behind his back and he appeared focused on the mirror – until the children’s laughter caught his attention. He turned towards them, and the children’s smiles faded at the sight of the mysterious elf. Evelyn ran to intervene, but never made it to them as she collapsed onto the ground in pain. Her arm scorched her from the inside, and she watched in horror as her flesh melted to the bone. Solas looked down at her in sympathy.

“I’m sorry, my friend.”

He swiped the air as if to remove an invisible curtain. The wood clearing shifted around her into rocky crevices. Floating islands lined the distance and the sun had disappeared behind a sky of soot and ash. A blinding flash of green and the sounds of the children’s screams were the last things she remembered.

***

Evelyn awoke suddenly with a loud gasp, feeling as if she had resurfaced for air after drowning. Her head pounded with a dull ache and her heart hammered against her chest erratically. Her muscles tensed to the point of strain, and she realised she had gripped her sheets tightly in the midst of sleep. Beside her, Cullen stirred and his amber eyes – too much like the girl’s in the dream – opened to meet hers. She must have looked as distressed as she felt, because they softened immediately.  He reached for her hand that clung to the sheets still, gently soothing the back until her grip relaxed.

“Nightmare? Which one?” he said, voice raspy from remnants of sleep. Somehow, guilt still managed to seep through her already torrential emotions.

It had been a month since Evelyn and Cullen had settled into South Reach with Cullen’s siblings, but nightmares still followed them. No matter what illusions of peace they found, their dreams would still haunt them, though they had emerged less frequently over the years. Those years spent sharing a bed together meant they were no stranger to the sudden interruptions to their sleep. Over time they learnt it provided a small measure of comfort to tell each other about their dreams, no matter how distressing they were.

“The children, again,” Evelyn whispered. Her heart began to calm, but the jarring in her head remained. “This time it was Solas.”

“Ev…” he began, but she could not to bear to hear what her conscience already knew.

“I know, I know. _They_ are nothing but dreams. Solas can’t take what doesn’t exist.” _And I can’t let them exist in a world where he_ could _take them away,_ she didn’t say. “It was frightening, all the same.”

Evelyn had dreamt of the children before and sometimes the dreams would play out uninterrupted. Other times, the demon Nightmare had found her deep laden fears and twisted them into the dream.

The first time they appeared in her dreams was after she defeated Corypheus. She and Cullen had discussed children casually before, but it was a future they discarded until the Inquisition no longer became their main priority. The semblance of peace allowed her to imagine a future that seemed nearly within reach.

But Nightmare always knew her fears before she did.

The exhuberant girl with golden curls like the sun and the quiet, doe-eyed boy were playing in the garden outside a lakeside house. Perhaps it was maternal instinct, but she just _knew_ they were her children, and she was drawn to them. But the moment she had reached for them, they stiffened, as if confused towards the desire for contact. She asked them why and the girl had answered, “You’ve never wanted to, before.” Through the boy’s eyes too much like her own, she saw herself as a child never knowing affection from her parents, only manipulation, Games and the bar which moved higher above her everytime she reached it. She saw a vicious cycle of child becoming parent resulting in children growing up without love. She couldn’t bear to see that same look of cold distance in the children’s eyes that mirrored her own. From then, she learnt to remain the silent observer in the dreams, fearing that their smiles would disappear as soon as they saw her.

Another dream came where the boy played in snow of his own making, and she watched with pride as he marvelled at his own creations. The happiness was short-lived when Templars came to take the boy away. She could do little but scream as the Cullen in her dream had held her back. The vision had lingered in her mind and she avoided Cullen’s gaze that day, too afraid that the man in and out of the dream would be the same. Cullen had noticed her unusual sullenness and approached her as they sat in companionable silence in her chambers. She uttered the question on her mind boldly, “Would you let our children be taken away to the Circles if they were mages?” He shifted uncomfortably, but replied, “I would want to stop them because they are _my_ children, but the Circles have rules, and we can’t make our children the exception if we wouldn’t extend the same defence to all the other mage children.” She couldn’t fault him for his logic, nor could she remain angry at him for his honesty - her answer was little different, afterall. Instead she wrote to Cassandra, telling her that there had to be a better way for latent mages to join the Circles without forcibly removing them from their families. Even now, they continued to exchange ideas for the new Circles. At least Nightmare kept her productive.

Evelyn had blamed herself for preventing them from having a family of their own. Cullen had denied this vehemently and shared in his own fears. He feared his still recurring withdrawal symptoms might render him incapable of caring for a young child on particularly bad days, and that his nightmares and yells in the middle of the night might frighten them to the point they would be afraid to come close to their father. But most of all, he feared he may lose his presence of mind until he would one day forget their existence. Children deserved to have a father who was more than a ghost of a man, he had said. She knew he worried enough about losing his memories of her, though he had passionately reassured her that he would never forget her after all they had been through.

The question that had lingered on her mind since they broached the topic had finally seemed appropriate to ask. “Do you _want_ children, Cullen?”

“Not necessarily,” he had said without a hint of uncertainty, “What I want is a family with _you,_ Evelyn, with or without children.” Somehow she was envious of his answer, and the conviction in which he voiced it.

They agreed that they weren’t ready to provide a healthy environment to raise children, but there was an unspoken addendum that they may never be. And yet, the children remained in her dreams. Desire was an equally cruel demon to Fear and it took pleasure in showing her a future she wanted but should never have.

***

“Aunt Eevee, are you going to join me and Un’Cul with your light sword?” Liam asked. Branson’s son had taken a shining to Cullen and Evelyn when he had first met them, and ever since Evelyn had mentioned her spirit blade, Liam had been in utter awe of her. He couldn’t care less about her previous status as the Inquisitor and somehow that made her adore him even more.

Liam had insisted in calling Cullen “Cul” but Mia and Branson had protested the informality and demanded he address Cullen properly as “Uncle”. The boy at merely four years old was still experimenting with new words and unfortunately, he was far too rebellious. “Uncle Cul” eventually seemed too redundant for him, and thus he had created the portmanteau “Un’Cul”. It was a compromise everyone had accepted in defeat, as he hadn’t _technically_ disobeyed anybody.

“Not today Liam, but another day, perhaps,” Evelyn smiled warmly at him. He nodded and ran off to meet with Cullen, strawberry-blond curls bouncing in his eagerness. Cullen passed Liam a wooden practice sword and began to instruct him with the basic techniques of sword mastery. The Commander of the Inquisition had never truly retired, she thought, mentally shaking her head. But the scene also reminded her of the dream, and she thought sadly how Cullen would have made a good father.

“Mind if I join you?” Mia called as she made her way to Evelyn. Evelyn gestured towards the empty space on the bench next to her which overlooked the courtyard where Cullen and Liam were practicing. Mia watched the two boys, and Cullen’s playful laughter had her sighing wistfully. “I’ve missed that sound. For years when I received nothing but two word letters, I feared I would never hear his laughter, or see that smile again. I never thanked you properly for bringing our brother home, but thank you for bringing Cully back.”

“He brought himself back. I just made sure he kept his promises,” Evelyn amended. And it was the truth. She was merely the voice that reminded him that he was stronger than the taunting whispers and the hand that extended to him when he was in need of guidance. The rest, Cullen had fought by himself with an iron will.

Mia smiled at her. “I think you did more than that. When Cullen first joined the Inquisition, the letters started to arrive more frequently and they read a little longer each time. But they were always impersonal, like he was afraid to reveal more than just what he did at work. The first time he mentioned you by name, he talked about you as he would a close friend, not the Inquisitor. He started to write about his day and how he _felt_. I admit I tried to pry for more details, but when he became defensive I just _knew_ there was something more than he was willing to let on,” she laughed and Evelyn knew all too well the satisfaction in having caught Cullen off-guard.

“I _may_ have mentioned it was worth writing to you more over a very tight game of chess,” Evelyn confessed. She laughed quietly at the memory. She had won that match, though Evelyn had accused Cullen of throwing the game and demanded a rematch. Only some time later did she realise that that was his plan all along. _You’re not the only one who knows how to play the Game,_ he had revealed smugly after their first kiss. She had learnt not to underestimate him again.

“Thank you. You truly have no idea what it means to me, to _us._ You are always welcome in this family as a sister.”

 _Sister._ The word hit her, unspoken for so long after the death of her brother, Tomas, while her other siblings never made the effort to contact her again after she was sent to the Circles. It was strange how the word sounded so natural from Mia - as well as Rosalie and Branson - though they bore no blood relation to her. All the Rutherfords couldn't be further from the Games she was taught as a child. Mia was very much the nurturing older sister she expected from Cullen’s description, and the one she wished she had. And Mia was also far too intuitive.

“What’s on your mind, Evelyn?” Mia asked, and her amber eyes softened in a manner unmistakably like Cullen’s.  

Evelyn breathed a long sigh as she looked back at Cullen and Liam. “Do you think it’s wrong to want something you shouldn’t have?”

“That would depend on _why_ you want something.”

“Why I-?” the thought had never occurred to her. _Why_ did she want children? Clearly Desire and Nightmare knew that she wanted them in some way, but why?

“I’m guessing you are referring to children,” Mia prompted, flicking her head towards Cullen and Liam. “I see the way you look at them, and if that isn’t longing, I don’t know what is. But do you know what it is you truly long for?”

Evelyn thought about the children and the dreams. Fear and Desire intertwined their goals in their twisted games that it was difficult to pinpoint the source that they manipulated. But of all her dreams, it was always the first that frightened her the most: that the children wouldn’t love her, because she had failed to love them back. And she realised why.

She feared that in her future as much as her past, her family wouldn’t love her.

“A family,” Evelyn answered, knowing without a doubt what it was she truly longed for. “As a child, I was taught the value of independence, recognition, and ambition, but never love. Love had no place in the Game, and House Trevelyan lived for the Game. I didn’t realise how much I wanted it until a small part of it was taken away from me. Since then, I have always longed for a family to truly belong to, who I could love and would love me in return.”

Tomas, the brother who had cared more for her well-being than her accolades. The brother who had kept her magic secret until she was discovered, and then followed her into the Circles to protect her from demons and Templars alike. The brother who had given his life to save hers from one of her own kind after the chaos of the rebellion. Not once had the word ‘love’ been spoken between them, but she knew it was a part of their bond. She hadn’t known love again until she made friends in the Inquisition and fell in love with Cullen.

Mia merely nodded at her response before asking, “Do you know why I never had children of my own?”

The question caught Evelyn off-guard. “I assumed with everything – the Blight, Branson and Rosalie – there wasn’t time.”

“Yes, I suppose that’s one reason. But the truth is, there came a point where I didn’t _want_ children of my own.” The truth of the admittance surprised Evelyn, as she assumed someone as naturally maternal as Mia would desire children of her own.

“After our parent’s died, it fell to me to keep Branson and Rosalie safe. We took what we could and headed to South Reach as far as we could from the Blight. Rosalie was still very much a child at the time, and she deserved to grow up like we did at her age. So Branson and I took whatever work was available and let Rosalie live freely - as much as a child could in a Blight,” Mia explained. “She feels guilty about it now, but at the time it was worth it to see her smile despite all the chaos around her.”

Rosalie, who had first greeted Evelyn with an enthusiastic hug and a smile that put the sun’s luminance to shame. Evelyn had been startled by the young woman’s free spirit given the careful nature of her siblings, but it made sense now for a girl who was allowed to enjoy life freely and to appreciate the _good_ in the world.

“I became a mother to my younger siblings, because to keep this family together I couldn’t _just_ be an older sister to them. I despised being the nagging mother hen, but at that time, someone had to be. After many years filling the space left by our parents, I began to miss being just ‘big sis Mia’, who could be a part of their jokes and even the end of it.”

Mia paused as she thumbed her wedding ring absently.

“The desire to have children of my own never came, even when I met Aaron. He was a blessing from the Maker. I first met him in an infirmary of all things, a wounded soldier too stubborn to be confined to bed rest. Maker, I wonder who that resembles,” Mia muttered under her breath. “He has been a constant support for me, and made me feel like I didn't have to shoulder my burdens on my own. After some time, we decided that just the two of us was more than enough to make our little family complete, and our work always kept us busy anyway. That’s not to say I don’t love children. I love Liam, but he is easily worth the time of three other children.”

Evelyn chuckled in agreement. “Are you happy now, then?”

“I am. I love my siblings dearly, and I don’t believe they took away my desire to have children. In the end they just mattered _more_ to me. Now that Cullen’s home, I feel at peace knowing my family is together again and that they’ve found happiness in their own lives.”

Mia turned as Branson and his wife Anna walked over to them, having just returned from their trip into town. They intertwined their arms together and Anna leaned her head against Branson’s shoulder. They looked every bit in love as two newlyweds. Cullen wasn’t exaggerating that Branson had fallen hard for his wife, a red-headed beauty with incredible patience and a wealth of kindness. The couple paused to watch their son with Cullen, shaking their head every time Liam chattered endlessly to Cullen in the midst of their training.

“Family doesn’t have to be children born of your own blood. Sometimes it’s three stubborn siblings and their antics. Sometimes it’s a husband that loves you unconditionally. And sometimes, that’s more than enough.”

 _We’re enough._ Cullen and Evelyn always reassured each other with those words when their hurts became too much and when they felt they weren’t worthy. Maybe they were enough for each other too.

“I know it may never change your desire to have children, but if it’s a family you are looking for, know that you will always have a place in ours.” Mia placed one hand on top of Evelyn’s and pulled Evelyn into her chest. Evelyn pressed her nose into her hair, breathing in the comforting scent of Mia’s earlier cooking.  Her eyes started to water and she closed them in a vain attempt to abate her tears. It was a gesture that her mother had never made sincere, but Mia made it feel like she was being welcomed home.

Liam and Cullen returned back to the women, and they reluctantly broke apart from their embrace. Evelyn quickly wiped her eyes with her sleeve. Liam was covered in dirt and grime from head to toe, and Evelyn worried for a moment that Cullen had pushed him like he would with a recruit. Her concerns were quickly dismissed when Liam gave her a wide toothy grin, completely unperturbed by his unruly appearance.  

“Aunt Eevee, Un’Cul says you need to practice your sword too.”

“Did he now?” Evelyn arched an eyebrow at Cullen, who merely nodded emphatically at her. “Of course he would say that, he was always such a demanding teacher.”

Branson retreated into the house to fetch water for the two. He tossed a canteen at Cullen with barely a hint of a warning, but Cullen caught the canteen without missing a beat. As he drank, he pointedly looked away from Anna as she fussed over Liam’s unkempt state.

“Take it as an opportunity to wipe that smug grin off his face, Evelyn. I can’t _wait_ to see you beat him to the ground,” Branson grinned easily and ignored Cullen’s shooting glare.

“What’s this about Cully getting beaten by Evelyn?” Rosalie’s voice piped up as she joined them with Commander close on her heels. He takes his place by Cullen’s side and barks happily.

“Maker’s Breath, why did you all decide to come out here now?” Cullen grumbled in exasperation.

“Let them, Cullen, I’ll need witnesses for your great defeat,” Evelyn smirked as she reached for the wooden sword Liam had been using. The hilt still felt unfamiliar in her right hand, but with practice she hoped she would be able to reclaim the finesse she had before.

The Rutherfords watched Evelyn and Cullen as they began their practice session. They cheered every time Evelyn landed a hit on Cullen, which was still less frequent than she would have liked, but the moral support from the siblings, Liam and Anna kept her from giving up in frustration. After finally managing to knock Cullen off balance, Cullen swiftly pulled her down with him.  The others laughed when she landed sprawled over his chest, and she couldn’t help but join them as Cullen wrapped her fiercely in his arms. At that moment, she began to wonder if she could truly belong in this family, with only ‘Rutherford’ as an adopted part of her name.

Maybe not, but she wanted it enough to try.

***

That night, Evelyn dreamt of the children again, though this time she was not afraid to let them see her. As she approached them, she was surprised when their only reaction was to stare at her curiously. She knelt down to their faces, and it hit her with blunt longing how much they looked like her and Cullen – ash-brown and gold, steel and amber. She gave them a tender smile.

“You deserve a life where you can grow up happy and free, and I will do everything I can to make this world safe enough for other children like you. Until then, I have to say goodbye,” her voice caught in her throat, but her smile held. Though the children were nothing but phantoms conjured from her heart’s deepest desires and fears, she would not let them see her in despair. “For what it’s worth, I know I wouldn’t have been the best mother, but I would have loved you unconditionally and taught you to do the same. Maybe in another life and another time, we could be a family.”

She kissed both of their foreheads, mindful that neither flinched at her touch.

“But not this one.”

Evelyn returned to the waking world with a gentle flutter of her eyelids. The memory of the children’s faces lingered like imprints of a distant dream, but there was no longer any pained longing or bitterness at their inexistence. She felt Cullen’s arms tighten around her waist, and his eyes met hers, concerned. He reached out to brush her cheek, and she realised they were damp from tears.

“Ev, are you alright?”

“Yes. Yes I am,” she murmured. She smiled genuinely, having felt more at peace with her dream than ever before. “I said goodbye to the children.”

Cullen’s eyes widened, though she was grateful there was no confusion in his gaze. He nodded and pulled her into his chest, and she was all too willing to accept his gesture of comfort.

“I’m sorry, Evelyn.”

“Don’t be. I have you and three other siblings now –” Commander huffed from the edge of the bed, and she laughed. “- _and you,_ Commander. You are all my family.”

“And you are mine.”

Evelyn smiled into Cullen’s shoulder. Yes, this little family of hers was where she belonged. Three siblings who welcomed her like one of their own. A loyal mabari who never failed to make her laugh. A husband who understood her fears, who helped her believe she was worthy, and that she was _enough_. She would always be grateful for the day he came into her life, and she prayed to the Maker that such a blessing would remain through time.

“Cullen, you’ll stay with me, won’t you?”

“I will.” And he kissed her with such conviction that her doubts melted away. “Always.”

The next night Evelyn dreamt of something new. She and Cullen were laying on their couch by the fireplace, but many years had passed. Their hair was streaked with silver and grey, and more marks and lines marred their skin. She reached for his hand, softer and wrinkled with age, but still the gold wedding ring remained on his finger, untarnished over the years. She asked him, “How long have we been together?” He chuckled. His voice was laced with weariness but time took none of the warmth she loved, “A very long time, and hopefully, forever.”

Evelyn never dreamt of the children again, as they were no longer the objects of Desire to manipulate and Nightmare had no fears to take from her. The children would remain as nothing more than a dream of past wishes and a future unwound.

 

**Author's Note:**

> “The unwound future” is very much inspired by the game “Professor Layton and the Unwound Future” in which it describes a future that had potential to exist, but not with the current course of events. Evelyn and Cullen having children was 50% likely to happen in my mind, in that I knew they both wanted a family, but there’s so many circumstances which would prevent them from believing they were ready to start their own. The ending to their unwound future is purposely ambiguous: children may be possible future still, but only after Solas’ plans are stopped and the Circles change, or they really do never have children of their own. It’s an ambiguous future for them that I’m hesitant to confirm without knowing how the events of future Dragon Age games may affect them. At the very least, the intent was to show that Evelyn didn’t need children to belong to a family, and she comes to terms with that.


End file.
